Sunday, November 13, 2011
where are you going?
life on the unbeaten path.
it's funny how i've romanticized this notion. going alone-where no man (or woman!) has gone before. it's a sense of adventure, possible discovery, and the chance to illumine a new truth that maybe, just maybe, will change the entire world. or at least a few people's entire world.
and to me, life on the unbeaten path is following your dreams relentlessly. seeing them when no one else does (especially when no one else does) holding on tight and letting them guide you. i think i will always believe this. and i think it is imperative for everyone to find this for themselves in order to truly live and not float along through life's insanity, directionless.
but who knew how lonely the unbeaten path was? you would think i would know. you may be reading this and think, "uh, yeah. unbeaten means NO ONE ELSE IS THERE BUT YOU." duh. but somehow i never put the two together. this is one of the hardest truths i've had to realize: living out your dreams can be a place of utter loneliness. generally, when you go along life's road, you can look to the left or the right and spot someone walking along the road at the same pace as you and you are friends. you get each other. you feel known and you know. but for some reason, this time i keep looking-left, right, even a little ahead or behind me and i can't quite seem to find anybody. maybe i need glasses. oh sure, there are the constants-the family and old friends i have been so blessed with that know me and are rooting for me, and i for them. but they are on parallel roads next to mine-not the same road. i long for someone to come up beside me and say "hey. i get you. let's do this thing together." but alas, it hasn't quite happened yet.
over-reacting? yes, i definitely am-coming near the end of one of the toughest semesters ever-mentally and emotionally and still neck deep in a pile of work. and yes, there are glimmers of hope-possible budding friendships with those whose walks, at least from first impression, look similar to mine. but i am in a constant state of waiting, even while i'm currently moving with all i have toward my dream. hurry up and wait-the oxymoron of my life. but for the moment i must-i HAVE TO-trust that i have all i need, and this too shall pass.
it's funny how i've romanticized this notion. going alone-where no man (or woman!) has gone before. it's a sense of adventure, possible discovery, and the chance to illumine a new truth that maybe, just maybe, will change the entire world. or at least a few people's entire world.
and to me, life on the unbeaten path is following your dreams relentlessly. seeing them when no one else does (especially when no one else does) holding on tight and letting them guide you. i think i will always believe this. and i think it is imperative for everyone to find this for themselves in order to truly live and not float along through life's insanity, directionless.
but who knew how lonely the unbeaten path was? you would think i would know. you may be reading this and think, "uh, yeah. unbeaten means NO ONE ELSE IS THERE BUT YOU." duh. but somehow i never put the two together. this is one of the hardest truths i've had to realize: living out your dreams can be a place of utter loneliness. generally, when you go along life's road, you can look to the left or the right and spot someone walking along the road at the same pace as you and you are friends. you get each other. you feel known and you know. but for some reason, this time i keep looking-left, right, even a little ahead or behind me and i can't quite seem to find anybody. maybe i need glasses. oh sure, there are the constants-the family and old friends i have been so blessed with that know me and are rooting for me, and i for them. but they are on parallel roads next to mine-not the same road. i long for someone to come up beside me and say "hey. i get you. let's do this thing together." but alas, it hasn't quite happened yet.
over-reacting? yes, i definitely am-coming near the end of one of the toughest semesters ever-mentally and emotionally and still neck deep in a pile of work. and yes, there are glimmers of hope-possible budding friendships with those whose walks, at least from first impression, look similar to mine. but i am in a constant state of waiting, even while i'm currently moving with all i have toward my dream. hurry up and wait-the oxymoron of my life. but for the moment i must-i HAVE TO-trust that i have all i need, and this too shall pass.
Monday, October 31, 2011
tell me
tell me something good.
tell me that your day was lovely.
tell me that your family is healthy & happy.
tell me that you caught glimpse of the sunrise this morning.
tell me that you gave unbelievably wise counsel to a friend today.
tell me that your coffee was exceptionally tasty.
tell me that you exercised out of the sheer fact you're impressed with what your body is capable of.
tell me that you breathed in a deep breath of crisp autumn air.
tell me that you've cooked up a delectable meal-complete with a glass of rich wine.
tell me that you've taken a walk, arm-in-arm, with your one true love.
tell me that you've nestled in by the fire.
tell me
tell me that your day was lovely.
tell me that your family is healthy & happy.
tell me that you caught glimpse of the sunrise this morning.
tell me that you gave unbelievably wise counsel to a friend today.
tell me that your coffee was exceptionally tasty.
tell me that you exercised out of the sheer fact you're impressed with what your body is capable of.
tell me that you breathed in a deep breath of crisp autumn air.
tell me that you've cooked up a delectable meal-complete with a glass of rich wine.
tell me that you've taken a walk, arm-in-arm, with your one true love.
tell me that you've nestled in by the fire.
tell me
Friday, October 7, 2011
porch posting
it's friday morning and i'm wrapped in a blanket (courtesy of my mom.
it has mountains on it, so she thought i needed it), drinking tea and
basking in the golden glow of sunlight streaming through the autumn
leaves. this is a ritual i am trying to make happen every morning. it
starts my day with a sort of ethereal peace~the fact that it is so
ridiculously gorgeous outside kind of negates any potential worries
& stress of the day to come. i ache for these moments of freedom,
where my mind is allowed to wonder and soak in the beauty, rather than
focus on scientific material. i'm trying to look for the lovely in the
science however, because where the beautiful shows up is where i feel
most alive, as in my times on the porch. essentially i'm looking for
the "feeling" of science...the heartbeat, the passion. i know it's
there, and once i find it, i will be able to connect at a deeper level
and it will mean more to me. for now, i'm trying to focus on the big
picture as much as possible....what i am learning about catecholamines
and the sympathetic nervous system WILL aid me in helping others achieve
a healthier lifestyle. it will. i have to believe that. cheers to
the porch time, the fall, and the beauty left to be found.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
amongst the cinders
so tonight, mind wandering from studying kinetic energy, i drifted to a
far off land....one where a dame is diligently scrubbing floors. it's a
story from my youth, as it is for many, however it is my favorite
princess story of all time.
cinderella. how the story has been a guide and how the heroine has been an inspiration to me. while in a new town, state, way of life, adventure....i feel as though waiting has become a constant (ally?) to me. the ever present being that just won't leave. i'm waiting to finish a graduate degree...waiting until i feel as though i understand some of my school work, waiting to create more circles of friends, waiting to find some mentors, waiting to figure out what my thesis project will be, waiting to get acclimated to the altitude, waiting for a constant best friend to love. i've always identified with cinderella in the sense that i had something more, something great within me that if just the right someone would come along (fairy godmother, anybody?) and recognize that, i would be able to unleash the best of me that's been hiding up my sleeve (accolade to john mayer).
and in that grand moment of shining glory (complete with a gorgeous dress, no less), my potential would be reached, my critics would be swiftly silenced, and my prince would see a proverbial spotlight shining down on me, and only me, and he would ask me to dance. and even if things didn't go as planned at the ball, he would search high and low until he found me again-his one true love. the gal that stole his heart with but a glance.
it seems great, doesn't it? too good to be true, maybe, and yet it's always nestled in the back of my mind. but tonight, while delving into ex phys homework, i had a thought. cinderella didn't get all that handed to her. yes, it may seem that way since we pick up the story just before her fairy godmother comes and her life is forever changed. but what we (or at least i) have failed to realize is that cinderella has been working tirelessly her entire life-dutifully serving those who were wrongly enslaving her, and yet keeping a gorgeous spirit nonetheless. her joy in trial and the absence of circumstantial hope is uncanny. she had no idea a fairy godmother existed, let alone would come for her. everyone in her life was telling her she wasn't good enough, that she was only worth the work she put out. and although she didn't swerve in her duties, she subversively knew better. she just knew better than what her antagonists were telling her. i firmly believe a major contributor to that kind of spirit was due to her father-what he had told her and she then believed to be true. but that is another story in and of itself. throughout her dire, endless chores, cinderella remained faithful. she was DISCIPLINED. this is a term that never shows up in fairy tales, and yet that is what makes her GREAT. she had character that put those around her to shame, regardless of the fact that they were clean and fancied up and she was constantly covered with soot. the outer grunge was of no match to her inner fire. from the beginning of the story, we see her light up every "little corner".
so how does that translate to this moment in time? in the waiting be diligent. the waiting is the time where character and discipline are honed, made wonderfully true and virtuous. the waiting is the preparation we all have to do before the good stuff comes. before we're ready to fully embrace it-and live out all of the greatness that is bubbling up inside of us. because if we're honest with ourselves, we all want great things in life. we all want to become everything we possibly can be. we all want to be noticed for our goodness. so the time is now. waiting is not a stagnant section of time. in fact-it is kinetic-full of motion and life and growth and learning. it is the time of becoming. and that time is NOW.
cinderella. how the story has been a guide and how the heroine has been an inspiration to me. while in a new town, state, way of life, adventure....i feel as though waiting has become a constant (ally?) to me. the ever present being that just won't leave. i'm waiting to finish a graduate degree...waiting until i feel as though i understand some of my school work, waiting to create more circles of friends, waiting to find some mentors, waiting to figure out what my thesis project will be, waiting to get acclimated to the altitude, waiting for a constant best friend to love. i've always identified with cinderella in the sense that i had something more, something great within me that if just the right someone would come along (fairy godmother, anybody?) and recognize that, i would be able to unleash the best of me that's been hiding up my sleeve (accolade to john mayer).
and in that grand moment of shining glory (complete with a gorgeous dress, no less), my potential would be reached, my critics would be swiftly silenced, and my prince would see a proverbial spotlight shining down on me, and only me, and he would ask me to dance. and even if things didn't go as planned at the ball, he would search high and low until he found me again-his one true love. the gal that stole his heart with but a glance.
it seems great, doesn't it? too good to be true, maybe, and yet it's always nestled in the back of my mind. but tonight, while delving into ex phys homework, i had a thought. cinderella didn't get all that handed to her. yes, it may seem that way since we pick up the story just before her fairy godmother comes and her life is forever changed. but what we (or at least i) have failed to realize is that cinderella has been working tirelessly her entire life-dutifully serving those who were wrongly enslaving her, and yet keeping a gorgeous spirit nonetheless. her joy in trial and the absence of circumstantial hope is uncanny. she had no idea a fairy godmother existed, let alone would come for her. everyone in her life was telling her she wasn't good enough, that she was only worth the work she put out. and although she didn't swerve in her duties, she subversively knew better. she just knew better than what her antagonists were telling her. i firmly believe a major contributor to that kind of spirit was due to her father-what he had told her and she then believed to be true. but that is another story in and of itself. throughout her dire, endless chores, cinderella remained faithful. she was DISCIPLINED. this is a term that never shows up in fairy tales, and yet that is what makes her GREAT. she had character that put those around her to shame, regardless of the fact that they were clean and fancied up and she was constantly covered with soot. the outer grunge was of no match to her inner fire. from the beginning of the story, we see her light up every "little corner".
so how does that translate to this moment in time? in the waiting be diligent. the waiting is the time where character and discipline are honed, made wonderfully true and virtuous. the waiting is the preparation we all have to do before the good stuff comes. before we're ready to fully embrace it-and live out all of the greatness that is bubbling up inside of us. because if we're honest with ourselves, we all want great things in life. we all want to become everything we possibly can be. we all want to be noticed for our goodness. so the time is now. waiting is not a stagnant section of time. in fact-it is kinetic-full of motion and life and growth and learning. it is the time of becoming. and that time is NOW.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
the art of growing
indeed it is that time. have you
felt it? are you here now with me? the time when life happens so fast
in and around you that you have no choice but to grow, expand, become?
that all you seem to be able to accomplish is contemplating all of the
details in the fabric being woven around you, sometimes so tight you can
hardly breathe. and yet, it can, if you let it, feel more like a warm,
comfortable blanket that embraces you, and allows you to ease in...feel
it....rejoice in it. the time when you accept that you can and have to
grow to keep up. you don't let it scare you. you stare into it
head-on, determination glowing from your eyes. you set your heart and
mind and strength towards your goal and you say "bring it". because you
are bringing all that is yourself to this challenge, and in the end you
know, you KNOW, you will become more of what you're meant to be.
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