I just read another great post from a childhood friend, who is currently a mother of a toddler, a successful entrepreneur, and an extremely creative individual.  She wrote about motherhood, and the guilt that moms place on themselves or onto each other that they are not enough, or that it is not okay to be happy with themselves or doing things for themselves.

I had a conversation the other day with two of my cousins' wives who are both moms-one stays at home and the other works.  Both are very successful at what they do, but both have felt pressure early on to conform to the opposite ideal.  Fortunately, these are both strong women, and they recognize where their strength lie, and they realize they have made the correct choice for each of them.  They shared quality advice, saying there will always be someone who disagrees with or passes judgement on you, but ultimately you must do what suits your personality and is best for your family.  If mom is at home and has untapped skill that she WANTS to use, how good can it be for the kiddos who are home with her?  She may feel stuck and not fully present with her kids.  And what of the career woman who longs to be home?  She may feel she is not able to do what she wants at home, and thus her job performance may come up short.

I have several absolutely stunning girlfriends whom I've been blessed to share life with.  Unfortunately, a lot of them have struggled with recognizing their own beauty.  When complimented, they defer compliments, either thinking they are not truly worthy of those words, or recognizing the woman culture we're in does not understand women owning those compliments and simply saying thank you for them.

Self-deprecation, as my first friend mentioned, is not helping anybody.  The value comes when compliments are shared (especially between women!) and then accepted wholeheartedly as truth to the hearer.

All of these instances remind me that women have a very real enemy who wants to put them down.  Lucifer, as the most beautiful angel, thought he could be God and thus was confined to a life where he was no longer allowed in the heavenly realms.  He seems, then, to have it out for women, who were each created with a stunning, captivating, powerful beauty to bring to the world.  And he has no desire for that true beauty to come forth, and thus diverts it any way he can:  through shame, guilt, self-doubt, unrealistic desires for bodies that aren't always beautiful, feeling not enough and at the same time too much, and worse yet, being judged and judging other women.

I'm convinced, besides God's revitalizing strength and new perspective He gives to us, we will not defeat this enemy as fully or as often if we do not band together as sisters; women who take up each others' cause as our own, fighting for each other daily.  We must risk opening our hearts to those we have previously compared ourselves with, we must rejoice when other women are ecstatic and we must weep when their hearts are broken.  We must vow to spend time together-whether it be working, child play dates, Bible or book studies, drinks, wine nights, playing tennis, painting, making good food, etc.  We must recognize our need for each other and we must call out the lies of the enemy as we take note of them:  in ourselves and in other women.  We must support, we must encourage, we must compliment strengths and complement weaknesses.  We must commit to truly seeing each other and calling forth the greatness we find in the women surrounding us.  And we must always, always be thankful for the women in our lives:  moms, grandmas, aunts, sisters, sister-in-laws, old and new friends, acquaintances, coworkers, colleagues, etc.  It is in the gratitude for what these women bring to our lives that we cast out jealousy and comparison-and recognize it for what it is-a straight up lie.  And then, we can see more clearly what we truly bring to the table, and lift other women up to do the same.

Learning Again

i am learning again

learning just how important my heart is, how necessary every woman's heart is

we each have a force of beauty (yes, beauty is powerful) and we each have reasons we try to hide that beauty

mine happens to be fear of rejection

many times we can arrive at situations, heart full, open, and ready to share and receive love-and be denied.  or worse, taken advantage of.

this causes recoil, a sort of commitment to "never go there again," or "i won't let that happen to me again".  however, without opening the heart to possibly receive or possibly be rejected, we cannot open the heart to give.  or to the good that maybe, just maybe, can find it's way in.

it was recently that i realized i was doing this.  it hadn't happened in a long time, so it took awhile to recognize this self-protecting spirit i was living out of.  placed up against the life of a good man who cares greatly for me, i realized if i continued to live this way, i can't give the love i want to give to him, i can't trust he will be there for me when others haven't, and i can't receive the selfless love he continually offers.

not cool.

additionally, my actions only reflected a mistrust of God's heart for me.  he gave me desires for companionship and for a partner to share an adventurous life with, as well as a hope that our love could reach others...show others his heart for us.  these are good things.

and so, i am reminded to guard my heart, the wellspring of life, in the sense that i must feed it good food-that of God's truth-his great, fatherly love toward me, his daughter.  that of the good gifts he continuously gives me, including this man i'm getting to share life with.  that of God showing up in this man and the way he treats me.  that of our care for each other working as the translation of God's love to the world.

and in addition to feeding my heart with truths, i must let it be open.  open to God first and all of the good gifts he wants to give, then open to this man and all of the great things we can share with each other.

and then, i remember my strength.  strength is actually found in a heart wide open, first to the Daddy who loves me, and secondly to those around me.

the strength found in the openness allows me to recognize fear for what it is...and to combat it in any way possible.  for "perfect love casts out all fear," and we are made perfect by love, as we let it replace fear in our lives.

and finally, the strength that comes from openness and trust reminds me that i am not the only one fighting a battle.  i am reminded of my sisters who are hurt by their own attacks-whether it be fear or something else.  i am reminded to not "give way to fear" not only for myself and my relationships, but also to fight for my sisters.  if my heart is not open, what of all the incredibly beautiful women around me who need a friend, a confidant, a prayer warrior?  i must remain open to fight for and with them.  and what of the man in my life?  i need him to fight for me, just as he needs me to fight for him.  we women are warrior princesses for the kingdom, known as an ezer kenegdo, just as God is a necessary warrior on behalf of our good, we are necessary to those around us to bring about good in their lives.

cheers to the lessons, even as repeats!  i believe they can mean even more the second time around.  cheers to remaining open, fed, and gloriously loved by a Father who cherishes us dearly and equips us to battle the evil and reclaim the good.