Learning Again

i am learning again

learning just how important my heart is, how necessary every woman's heart is

we each have a force of beauty (yes, beauty is powerful) and we each have reasons we try to hide that beauty

mine happens to be fear of rejection

many times we can arrive at situations, heart full, open, and ready to share and receive love-and be denied.  or worse, taken advantage of.

this causes recoil, a sort of commitment to "never go there again," or "i won't let that happen to me again".  however, without opening the heart to possibly receive or possibly be rejected, we cannot open the heart to give.  or to the good that maybe, just maybe, can find it's way in.

it was recently that i realized i was doing this.  it hadn't happened in a long time, so it took awhile to recognize this self-protecting spirit i was living out of.  placed up against the life of a good man who cares greatly for me, i realized if i continued to live this way, i can't give the love i want to give to him, i can't trust he will be there for me when others haven't, and i can't receive the selfless love he continually offers.

not cool.

additionally, my actions only reflected a mistrust of God's heart for me.  he gave me desires for companionship and for a partner to share an adventurous life with, as well as a hope that our love could reach others...show others his heart for us.  these are good things.

and so, i am reminded to guard my heart, the wellspring of life, in the sense that i must feed it good food-that of God's truth-his great, fatherly love toward me, his daughter.  that of the good gifts he continuously gives me, including this man i'm getting to share life with.  that of God showing up in this man and the way he treats me.  that of our care for each other working as the translation of God's love to the world.

and in addition to feeding my heart with truths, i must let it be open.  open to God first and all of the good gifts he wants to give, then open to this man and all of the great things we can share with each other.

and then, i remember my strength.  strength is actually found in a heart wide open, first to the Daddy who loves me, and secondly to those around me.

the strength found in the openness allows me to recognize fear for what it is...and to combat it in any way possible.  for "perfect love casts out all fear," and we are made perfect by love, as we let it replace fear in our lives.

and finally, the strength that comes from openness and trust reminds me that i am not the only one fighting a battle.  i am reminded of my sisters who are hurt by their own attacks-whether it be fear or something else.  i am reminded to not "give way to fear" not only for myself and my relationships, but also to fight for my sisters.  if my heart is not open, what of all the incredibly beautiful women around me who need a friend, a confidant, a prayer warrior?  i must remain open to fight for and with them.  and what of the man in my life?  i need him to fight for me, just as he needs me to fight for him.  we women are warrior princesses for the kingdom, known as an ezer kenegdo, just as God is a necessary warrior on behalf of our good, we are necessary to those around us to bring about good in their lives.

cheers to the lessons, even as repeats!  i believe they can mean even more the second time around.  cheers to remaining open, fed, and gloriously loved by a Father who cherishes us dearly and equips us to battle the evil and reclaim the good.