Love.
Powerful, humbling, sacrificial, gracious, accepting, forgiving, enlightening, moving.
All-knowing, yet unstoppable
All-seeing, yet unshakable
Inviting, cherishing
Promising and never-leaving
Comforting
A place of rest, a place called
Home
"Come and be. Come and be and be with me."
It calls us. It moves us forward.
"Be all you are and yet never be the same."
Because you cannot leave unchanged.
Because love, by it's very nature, calls forth that which we thought was never inside us,
and yet, somehow, was there all along.
We just didn't know.
But love knew. Love saw. Love beckoned. Love comforted. Love forgave. And love changed-even the worst parts.
And we are never the same.
Never the same.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Grace.
The ultimate conundrum in heaviness and lightness, weighty strength and light-as-a-feather freedom.
The word with a bad rap, given by those who haven't allowed themselves to drink deeply of all it offers.
The word, not just a word, but an action so daring, so cunning, so subversive it can break chains and loose bonds, and free the captives with one fell swoop.
It is the ultimate sword, severing hatred, unforgiveness of self and others, lies, jealousy, doubt, cowardice, and fear.
To some it may seem weak, like a doormat or a passive way to deal with things.
But it's reality is life-changing and life-giving.
For where fear resides, all other evils rage.
But grace, sweet grace, carves the rock so the streams of love can come rushing in.
And love, perfect love, casts out all fear.
And the reigning power of grace, once again, is made manifest.
The ultimate conundrum in heaviness and lightness, weighty strength and light-as-a-feather freedom.
The word with a bad rap, given by those who haven't allowed themselves to drink deeply of all it offers.
The word, not just a word, but an action so daring, so cunning, so subversive it can break chains and loose bonds, and free the captives with one fell swoop.
It is the ultimate sword, severing hatred, unforgiveness of self and others, lies, jealousy, doubt, cowardice, and fear.
To some it may seem weak, like a doormat or a passive way to deal with things.
But it's reality is life-changing and life-giving.
For where fear resides, all other evils rage.
But grace, sweet grace, carves the rock so the streams of love can come rushing in.
And love, perfect love, casts out all fear.
And the reigning power of grace, once again, is made manifest.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
I just read another great post from a childhood friend, who is currently a mother of a toddler, a successful entrepreneur, and an extremely creative individual. She wrote about motherhood, and the guilt that moms place on themselves or onto each other that they are not enough, or that it is not okay to be happy with themselves or doing things for themselves.
I had a conversation the other day with two of my cousins' wives who are both moms-one stays at home and the other works. Both are very successful at what they do, but both have felt pressure early on to conform to the opposite ideal. Fortunately, these are both strong women, and they recognize where their strength lie, and they realize they have made the correct choice for each of them. They shared quality advice, saying there will always be someone who disagrees with or passes judgement on you, but ultimately you must do what suits your personality and is best for your family. If mom is at home and has untapped skill that she WANTS to use, how good can it be for the kiddos who are home with her? She may feel stuck and not fully present with her kids. And what of the career woman who longs to be home? She may feel she is not able to do what she wants at home, and thus her job performance may come up short.
I have several absolutely stunning girlfriends whom I've been blessed to share life with. Unfortunately, a lot of them have struggled with recognizing their own beauty. When complimented, they defer compliments, either thinking they are not truly worthy of those words, or recognizing the woman culture we're in does not understand women owning those compliments and simply saying thank you for them.
Self-deprecation, as my first friend mentioned, is not helping anybody. The value comes when compliments are shared (especially between women!) and then accepted wholeheartedly as truth to the hearer.
All of these instances remind me that women have a very real enemy who wants to put them down. Lucifer, as the most beautiful angel, thought he could be God and thus was confined to a life where he was no longer allowed in the heavenly realms. He seems, then, to have it out for women, who were each created with a stunning, captivating, powerful beauty to bring to the world. And he has no desire for that true beauty to come forth, and thus diverts it any way he can: through shame, guilt, self-doubt, unrealistic desires for bodies that aren't always beautiful, feeling not enough and at the same time too much, and worse yet, being judged and judging other women.
I'm convinced, besides God's revitalizing strength and new perspective He gives to us, we will not defeat this enemy as fully or as often if we do not band together as sisters; women who take up each others' cause as our own, fighting for each other daily. We must risk opening our hearts to those we have previously compared ourselves with, we must rejoice when other women are ecstatic and we must weep when their hearts are broken. We must vow to spend time together-whether it be working, child play dates, Bible or book studies, drinks, wine nights, playing tennis, painting, making good food, etc. We must recognize our need for each other and we must call out the lies of the enemy as we take note of them: in ourselves and in other women. We must support, we must encourage, we must compliment strengths and complement weaknesses. We must commit to truly seeing each other and calling forth the greatness we find in the women surrounding us. And we must always, always be thankful for the women in our lives: moms, grandmas, aunts, sisters, sister-in-laws, old and new friends, acquaintances, coworkers, colleagues, etc. It is in the gratitude for what these women bring to our lives that we cast out jealousy and comparison-and recognize it for what it is-a straight up lie. And then, we can see more clearly what we truly bring to the table, and lift other women up to do the same.
I had a conversation the other day with two of my cousins' wives who are both moms-one stays at home and the other works. Both are very successful at what they do, but both have felt pressure early on to conform to the opposite ideal. Fortunately, these are both strong women, and they recognize where their strength lie, and they realize they have made the correct choice for each of them. They shared quality advice, saying there will always be someone who disagrees with or passes judgement on you, but ultimately you must do what suits your personality and is best for your family. If mom is at home and has untapped skill that she WANTS to use, how good can it be for the kiddos who are home with her? She may feel stuck and not fully present with her kids. And what of the career woman who longs to be home? She may feel she is not able to do what she wants at home, and thus her job performance may come up short.
I have several absolutely stunning girlfriends whom I've been blessed to share life with. Unfortunately, a lot of them have struggled with recognizing their own beauty. When complimented, they defer compliments, either thinking they are not truly worthy of those words, or recognizing the woman culture we're in does not understand women owning those compliments and simply saying thank you for them.
Self-deprecation, as my first friend mentioned, is not helping anybody. The value comes when compliments are shared (especially between women!) and then accepted wholeheartedly as truth to the hearer.
All of these instances remind me that women have a very real enemy who wants to put them down. Lucifer, as the most beautiful angel, thought he could be God and thus was confined to a life where he was no longer allowed in the heavenly realms. He seems, then, to have it out for women, who were each created with a stunning, captivating, powerful beauty to bring to the world. And he has no desire for that true beauty to come forth, and thus diverts it any way he can: through shame, guilt, self-doubt, unrealistic desires for bodies that aren't always beautiful, feeling not enough and at the same time too much, and worse yet, being judged and judging other women.
I'm convinced, besides God's revitalizing strength and new perspective He gives to us, we will not defeat this enemy as fully or as often if we do not band together as sisters; women who take up each others' cause as our own, fighting for each other daily. We must risk opening our hearts to those we have previously compared ourselves with, we must rejoice when other women are ecstatic and we must weep when their hearts are broken. We must vow to spend time together-whether it be working, child play dates, Bible or book studies, drinks, wine nights, playing tennis, painting, making good food, etc. We must recognize our need for each other and we must call out the lies of the enemy as we take note of them: in ourselves and in other women. We must support, we must encourage, we must compliment strengths and complement weaknesses. We must commit to truly seeing each other and calling forth the greatness we find in the women surrounding us. And we must always, always be thankful for the women in our lives: moms, grandmas, aunts, sisters, sister-in-laws, old and new friends, acquaintances, coworkers, colleagues, etc. It is in the gratitude for what these women bring to our lives that we cast out jealousy and comparison-and recognize it for what it is-a straight up lie. And then, we can see more clearly what we truly bring to the table, and lift other women up to do the same.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Learning Again
i am learning again
learning just how important my heart is, how necessary every woman's heart is
we each have a force of beauty (yes, beauty is powerful) and we each have reasons we try to hide that beauty
mine happens to be fear of rejection
many times we can arrive at situations, heart full, open, and ready to share and receive love-and be denied. or worse, taken advantage of.
this causes recoil, a sort of commitment to "never go there again," or "i won't let that happen to me again". however, without opening the heart to possibly receive or possibly be rejected, we cannot open the heart to give. or to the good that maybe, just maybe, can find it's way in.
it was recently that i realized i was doing this. it hadn't happened in a long time, so it took awhile to recognize this self-protecting spirit i was living out of. placed up against the life of a good man who cares greatly for me, i realized if i continued to live this way, i can't give the love i want to give to him, i can't trust he will be there for me when others haven't, and i can't receive the selfless love he continually offers.
not cool.
additionally, my actions only reflected a mistrust of God's heart for me. he gave me desires for companionship and for a partner to share an adventurous life with, as well as a hope that our love could reach others...show others his heart for us. these are good things.
and so, i am reminded to guard my heart, the wellspring of life, in the sense that i must feed it good food-that of God's truth-his great, fatherly love toward me, his daughter. that of the good gifts he continuously gives me, including this man i'm getting to share life with. that of God showing up in this man and the way he treats me. that of our care for each other working as the translation of God's love to the world.
and in addition to feeding my heart with truths, i must let it be open. open to God first and all of the good gifts he wants to give, then open to this man and all of the great things we can share with each other.
and then, i remember my strength. strength is actually found in a heart wide open, first to the Daddy who loves me, and secondly to those around me.
the strength found in the openness allows me to recognize fear for what it is...and to combat it in any way possible. for "perfect love casts out all fear," and we are made perfect by love, as we let it replace fear in our lives.
and finally, the strength that comes from openness and trust reminds me that i am not the only one fighting a battle. i am reminded of my sisters who are hurt by their own attacks-whether it be fear or something else. i am reminded to not "give way to fear" not only for myself and my relationships, but also to fight for my sisters. if my heart is not open, what of all the incredibly beautiful women around me who need a friend, a confidant, a prayer warrior? i must remain open to fight for and with them. and what of the man in my life? i need him to fight for me, just as he needs me to fight for him. we women are warrior princesses for the kingdom, known as an ezer kenegdo, just as God is a necessary warrior on behalf of our good, we are necessary to those around us to bring about good in their lives.
cheers to the lessons, even as repeats! i believe they can mean even more the second time around. cheers to remaining open, fed, and gloriously loved by a Father who cherishes us dearly and equips us to battle the evil and reclaim the good.
learning just how important my heart is, how necessary every woman's heart is
we each have a force of beauty (yes, beauty is powerful) and we each have reasons we try to hide that beauty
mine happens to be fear of rejection
many times we can arrive at situations, heart full, open, and ready to share and receive love-and be denied. or worse, taken advantage of.
this causes recoil, a sort of commitment to "never go there again," or "i won't let that happen to me again". however, without opening the heart to possibly receive or possibly be rejected, we cannot open the heart to give. or to the good that maybe, just maybe, can find it's way in.
it was recently that i realized i was doing this. it hadn't happened in a long time, so it took awhile to recognize this self-protecting spirit i was living out of. placed up against the life of a good man who cares greatly for me, i realized if i continued to live this way, i can't give the love i want to give to him, i can't trust he will be there for me when others haven't, and i can't receive the selfless love he continually offers.
not cool.
additionally, my actions only reflected a mistrust of God's heart for me. he gave me desires for companionship and for a partner to share an adventurous life with, as well as a hope that our love could reach others...show others his heart for us. these are good things.
and so, i am reminded to guard my heart, the wellspring of life, in the sense that i must feed it good food-that of God's truth-his great, fatherly love toward me, his daughter. that of the good gifts he continuously gives me, including this man i'm getting to share life with. that of God showing up in this man and the way he treats me. that of our care for each other working as the translation of God's love to the world.
and in addition to feeding my heart with truths, i must let it be open. open to God first and all of the good gifts he wants to give, then open to this man and all of the great things we can share with each other.
and then, i remember my strength. strength is actually found in a heart wide open, first to the Daddy who loves me, and secondly to those around me.
the strength found in the openness allows me to recognize fear for what it is...and to combat it in any way possible. for "perfect love casts out all fear," and we are made perfect by love, as we let it replace fear in our lives.
and finally, the strength that comes from openness and trust reminds me that i am not the only one fighting a battle. i am reminded of my sisters who are hurt by their own attacks-whether it be fear or something else. i am reminded to not "give way to fear" not only for myself and my relationships, but also to fight for my sisters. if my heart is not open, what of all the incredibly beautiful women around me who need a friend, a confidant, a prayer warrior? i must remain open to fight for and with them. and what of the man in my life? i need him to fight for me, just as he needs me to fight for him. we women are warrior princesses for the kingdom, known as an ezer kenegdo, just as God is a necessary warrior on behalf of our good, we are necessary to those around us to bring about good in their lives.
cheers to the lessons, even as repeats! i believe they can mean even more the second time around. cheers to remaining open, fed, and gloriously loved by a Father who cherishes us dearly and equips us to battle the evil and reclaim the good.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
i am here.
and i am here.
i am showing up. i am present. i am breath and i am flesh.
i am laughter and light.
i am fear and nerves.
i am lost and then, thankfully, again i am found.
there are those ebbs and flows in life that cause us to pause for a moment and ask ourselves, "Who are we?" and "Where are we going?"
there are times when many, many good gifts have been given and yet, i find i lose myself in them. the trick, here, is of course not to be lost, but at the very least, to catch myself when i find the outlines of my person fading.
i fear this maybe more than i should; this loss of self, this waking up one day and finding i either do not know or do not like who i've become. i am so very fortunate to walk this journey with more wonderful friends and family and colleagues than i can truly invest in. every time i find myself in need, God orchestrates another loving soul to come alongside me. it's the very embodiment of his great goodness.
i find i should walk through life with more thankfulness. the fact that God and these beautiful people shower me with loving kindness is truly enough ammunition to fuel praises every single day of my life. and yet instead, sometimes i am stunted by fear. i don't want to be afraid of losing these people-but sometimes i am. sometimes i fear i cannot show this great agape love back to them. sometimes i fear when they learn more about me, they will be turned away. sometimes i fear i am too weighty-i am too much for others to hold, so they will eventually pick up and go where the lighter people are. because, the truth is, we're all weighty and it's hard to bear each others' burdens.
and yet...i know, I KNOW, that God is so much bigger than all the weight i and others can lay on him. he willingly takes it all-everything we place on him. and yet he's still God. it doesn't change him. it doesn't make him see us differently. he knows we need help carrying ourselves around, and so he offers to be that aid.
and so i find when i get lost in the fear of losing, the fear of vulnerability, that i have not been placing my weight on my God. because when i lay my burdens on him, he not only lifts the load from me, but he redefines me, he clarifies my visions, my passions, and my paths. he takes my eyes off of myself and my shortcomings, my fears and my hang-ups. he opens my eyes to his wonders, the joys of life, to true thankfulness, and to his presence, which i can then see all over the place. and, miraculously, he gives me new strength and insight into those around me...those beautiful, lovely people around me who need their burdens shared, who need their weights placed on someone. and because my own personal weight has been taken by a mighty King, i am able to shoulder the loads of those i love-willingly, with thankfulness and joy.
i am showing up. i am present. i am breath and i am flesh.
i am laughter and light.
i am fear and nerves.
i am lost and then, thankfully, again i am found.
there are those ebbs and flows in life that cause us to pause for a moment and ask ourselves, "Who are we?" and "Where are we going?"
there are times when many, many good gifts have been given and yet, i find i lose myself in them. the trick, here, is of course not to be lost, but at the very least, to catch myself when i find the outlines of my person fading.
i fear this maybe more than i should; this loss of self, this waking up one day and finding i either do not know or do not like who i've become. i am so very fortunate to walk this journey with more wonderful friends and family and colleagues than i can truly invest in. every time i find myself in need, God orchestrates another loving soul to come alongside me. it's the very embodiment of his great goodness.
i find i should walk through life with more thankfulness. the fact that God and these beautiful people shower me with loving kindness is truly enough ammunition to fuel praises every single day of my life. and yet instead, sometimes i am stunted by fear. i don't want to be afraid of losing these people-but sometimes i am. sometimes i fear i cannot show this great agape love back to them. sometimes i fear when they learn more about me, they will be turned away. sometimes i fear i am too weighty-i am too much for others to hold, so they will eventually pick up and go where the lighter people are. because, the truth is, we're all weighty and it's hard to bear each others' burdens.
and yet...i know, I KNOW, that God is so much bigger than all the weight i and others can lay on him. he willingly takes it all-everything we place on him. and yet he's still God. it doesn't change him. it doesn't make him see us differently. he knows we need help carrying ourselves around, and so he offers to be that aid.
and so i find when i get lost in the fear of losing, the fear of vulnerability, that i have not been placing my weight on my God. because when i lay my burdens on him, he not only lifts the load from me, but he redefines me, he clarifies my visions, my passions, and my paths. he takes my eyes off of myself and my shortcomings, my fears and my hang-ups. he opens my eyes to his wonders, the joys of life, to true thankfulness, and to his presence, which i can then see all over the place. and, miraculously, he gives me new strength and insight into those around me...those beautiful, lovely people around me who need their burdens shared, who need their weights placed on someone. and because my own personal weight has been taken by a mighty King, i am able to shoulder the loads of those i love-willingly, with thankfulness and joy.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
lighting the darkness
peering into the future can be akin to staring into the darkness, willing your eyes to see through its layers, see what you know is there, but know not of its form or characteristics until light illumines and your true vision is restored. so why do we do it? why do we think we can or should will the future to become illuminated to our minds, our senses? is it this grandiose thought that we can actually avoid making mistakes; perhaps dodge any obstacles and come out leading successful, failure-free lives? is it to avoid potential pain, if only we would know what relationships to avoid, what business deals to shake hands on? or is there more integrity to it? is it that we wish to live lives of wisdom and deep understanding, such that our peering into the vastness really becomes a sort of spiritual foresight? aren't we but flesh and blood, and yet, what is truly required of us? what do we require of ourselves? are we so set on control we cannot rest in the fact we will not EVER be able to see the future? and can we truly REST?
cheers to those with the ability to live fully in the here and now. may i join your cohort more often and bring others along with me.
what if we choose a different posture-one of preparation, as an athlete prepares for competition, gets himself ready for the obstacles he is most certain to face, but then we leave the unknown as the unknown-the darkness as its meant to be? if we were to allow the future to remain in its proper place, how much more would we revel in the present? accept these fleeting moments and be truly alive?
Saturday, April 14, 2012
the solitudes
just as i begin to lose sight of the weight and meaning behind this time, i come across beautiful writing that redefines the purpose, the point behind the solitudes.
the solitudes...the moments, many, many moments, of lending an ear to my thoughts only. a strong, pointed focus aimed directly at my person, the somewhat narcissistic livelihood that develops out of the singular pursuit of one's greatest desires (and the hope that the pursuit is not in vain).
just as the doubt develops, that such individualistic living is ridiculous and absurd, i am reminded that the solitudes are the time of nurturing and developing a person who knows herself so well she can leave thoughts about her person behind and press on to the task of assisting others in the process of becoming.
the solitudes must not be cut short, lest i bring a stunted power and love to those around me. the adage "know thyself," must be regarded, so we do not go looking to find in others, that which we should have taken the time to cultivate in ourselves.
the freedom the solitudes elicit, then is this: self-actualization is where altruism is found.
thus, if you want to love grandly, love and knowledge of self must precede knowing and loving another.
~"love others as well as you love yourself" mark 12:31 (the message)~
the solitudes...the moments, many, many moments, of lending an ear to my thoughts only. a strong, pointed focus aimed directly at my person, the somewhat narcissistic livelihood that develops out of the singular pursuit of one's greatest desires (and the hope that the pursuit is not in vain).
just as the doubt develops, that such individualistic living is ridiculous and absurd, i am reminded that the solitudes are the time of nurturing and developing a person who knows herself so well she can leave thoughts about her person behind and press on to the task of assisting others in the process of becoming.
the solitudes must not be cut short, lest i bring a stunted power and love to those around me. the adage "know thyself," must be regarded, so we do not go looking to find in others, that which we should have taken the time to cultivate in ourselves.
the freedom the solitudes elicit, then is this: self-actualization is where altruism is found.
thus, if you want to love grandly, love and knowledge of self must precede knowing and loving another.
~"love others as well as you love yourself" mark 12:31 (the message)~
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